June is one of those months that’s personal to me. It carries one of my least favorite memories, the loss of my pops.
Thirteen years. That’s how long it’s been since he breathed his last. Some days, it still doesn’t feel real, man. Other days, it feels like just yesterday that we were seated on the balcony at home, sipping porridge, savoring omelet, me jazzing him about random things, and him telling me about his day. We’d laugh out loud, like nothing else mattered but that moment.
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As I’ve grown up to become a man myself, as opposed to the sadness surrounding my brothers and I’s loss, I have since lived in celebration of his legacy, as deeply rooted and manifested in the things he taught me. From people skills, hard work, being a believer, financial discipline, strong willed/ carry myself with confidence and respect for self and others, and most importantly (bet you saw this coming); enjoyments.
The one I have rather taken even more person, is putting in effort in realizing all my wildest of dreams, for you taught me how to be a resilient go-getter, to stay standing no matter the setbacks, let downs, or hindrances along the way.
June also happens to be Men’s Mental Health Month and Father’s Day. I’ve been reflecting a lot on the journey of boys becoming men. It’s never linear. There’s this complex dance with identity, emotions, and all the body changes that hit during puberty/ adolescence. I’ve come to realize how powerful a father’s presence can be in helping a boy navigate all that. With a father around, those awkward years become something else entirely, a shared experience, a chance for connection, growth, even laughter. A father becomes more than a parent during and beyond this time; he becomes a safe space, a cheerleader, a friend you can talk to about anything. Literally anything.
I sometimes sit back and wonder what pops would have said if he were around, and I “buzzed” (told) him that I had plans on taking a girl on a lil date. The banter around, the entire situation. Maybe I’d ask to borrow his car so I can go pick my date from her parents’ house, the friendly chuckle he’d let out, and saying how I am slowly becoming a man, I don’t know, but I feel it “would slap” (as the kids say these days; an expression to mean that something or an experience would be amazing to experience).
In our world today, there is over glorification of the concept of “Tough Love”, but I think gentle parents raise the most honest and loving children. It’s how and where kids learn to feel safe expressing themselves, how they develop empathy, confidence, and inner peace. I saw that in my dad. His love wasn’t loud or showy, it was consistent, and that made it powerful. It shaped how I treat others, and how I treat myself.
No wonder they say charity begins at home. It’s where values are planted. Where dreams are nurtured. Where you learn how to treat people, including yourself. Even from the movies (which are usually a mirror of society), children raised in violent environments often grow up to become either bullies, or so, drawn in to themselves as they become reflections of that trauma.
Families where there is open communication/ expression are a step in the right direction to raising thriving children and communities.
I do believe it can also create safe environments where children, especially males understand that it is okay to feel things, and that strength isn’t silence, masculinity isn’t absence of emotion and that strength includes softness, to self and those around us. Cuz there are things that school may never teach you very well, but you can easily adopt from observing/ from your environment. Aspects of how to handle attraction, how to build meaningful relationships, understanding consent. Maybe conversations around sexuality, puberty, and feelings wouldn’t have been so awkward; cuz in most cases, conversations like this are swept under the carpet by schools, with a belief that talking about them will encourage children to indulge out of curiosity. This often leads them to stumble in the dark, take on advice from their peers instead, which can sometimes lead them down a rabbit hole.
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They say it’s better to be feared than loved, but I disagree. I believe love is the real power. You listen to someone you love, not because you have to, but because their voice matters to your heart, as they have a direct influence on you. Looking back at my father and our friendship, my father had that kind of love. When he spoke, I didn’t listen out of fear. I listened because I trusted that what he told me was for my own good, and in no way would I ever want to disappoint him as my best friend, greatest influence, and man who saw greatness in me even before I saw it in myself.
Even from a Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights (SRHR) lens, I believe conversations on emotions, consent, boundaries and self-respect, helping young people understand their bodies with respect, dignity, and clarity start from here.
If my pops were here, I like to think we would have had those talks. Awkward? Maybe. But safe. Honest. Open. That’s what he was to me, a safe space. You know like how you see in the movies where male parents give their sons “The Talk”. It is usually on how to handle yourself financially, self control and how to rightfully treat the ladies, I think back and imagine how it might have been if Pops were still here, and how it would go as he gave me “The Talk”? I smile thinking about it. I picture him making jokes, saying something like, “You know we Mugisha(s) are charming, but don’t go leading girls on and indulging fwaaa.” He’d probably tell me to take my time, respect myself and others, and when the time is right, do the right thing.
It’s in that imagination that I realize, even though he’s gone, he’s still here. Still shaping me. And now, I try to be that safe space for others. Not because it’s easy, but because I had the perfect example growing up. A father who let love lead. Who guided me through action, through presence. Who believed in me even before I believed in myself.
So if he were here today, I’d say thank you. For everything he was. And for everything he continues to be through me.
It is my greatest wish that more boys could grow up in homes where father- son, or mother- daughter relationships are normal, and beyond providing meals, school fees, a roof, but that sense of security of your parent being your first and safe place for conversation, advice and everything in between. Like the saying always goes, if you come from a broken family, work on yourself so hard that you raise a better and more stable family. Same goes for finances, education, and other areas of life where you feel have been learning points for your life from your family that you’d wish to change when you eventually start yours.
Also like Jax put it in her 2024 hit song “Like My Father”, that: “I need a man who loves me like, My father loves my mom” breaking down into detail how her parents’ marriage inspired, my deeply rooted personal wish is that when I am of the right time, that I myself may become a cool dad, like my pops was.
As it is Father’s Day month, what’s the one thing you learnt from your father or are most grateful for as a quality in your father/ father figure in your life. Let me know via social. I am @Mugibson on all platforms; X (former Twitter), Facebook, LinkedIn and others.