Trigger warning: This article includes mentions of domestic violence and sexual assault. Please read with care.
For a while now, the film It Ends with Us had been on my to-watch list, but the endless responsibilities of adult life had never allowed me the free time to sit and watch it.
Last weekend, I finally had some time to myself and dove into this Colleen Hoover novel adaptation at about 2 AM—there’s something uniquely peaceful about watching films when the world is quieter and calm.
I should mention that last December, I was honored with an award for my work in advancing advocacy messages on Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights by the Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights Alliance Uganda. SRHR issues are therefore so dear to my heart.
And a word of caution: SPOILER ALERT to those who haven’t watched It Ends with Us. I’ll be highlighting parts of the film that speak to genuine SRHR concerns, which may reveal significant plot elements. I recommend watching the film first before returning to this piece.
The movie is a dramatic romance centered on Lily Bloom (portrayed by Blake Lively) who navigates complex relationships while confronting past traumas, especially when her first love, Atlas, re-enters her life, challenging her current relationship with Ryle, a charming neurosurgeon. The compelling narrative illuminates childhood trauma, the complexities of intimate partner violence, and reproductive autonomy through themes of love, abuse, and the strength required to break destructive cycles.
Lily grows up witnessing her father’s abuse of her mother through repeated battering. She also sees her father assault her then-lover, Atlas. This environment of violence and control significantly impacts her adult life. Even in her marriage to Ryle, she recognizes familiar patterns of temperament and overreaction, particularly regarding suspected infidelity, which eventually leads to Ryle physically abusing her multiple times. He bites, punches, and pushes her down a flight of stairs, yet each time, she forgives him.
After briefly leaving her marriage to seek refuge first with Atlas and later with Alyssa (Ryle’s sister), Lily receives crucial validation. Alyssa tells her, “As Ryle’s sister, I would advise you to reason with him, give him a second chance, but as your best friend, if you got back with him, I would be so mad at you.”
Eventually, after giving birth to their daughter Emmy, Lily asks Ryle for a divorce. She does this by asking how he would feel if Emmy one day came home and said her boyfriend was beating her. When he responds that he would advise her to leave, Lily replies, “Exactly. It ends with us.” This cycle of abuse must stop—something Lily witnessed growing up and experienced in her own marriage—and she ends it by choosing divorce to focus on herself, her child, and her business.
This reflects the stark reality many women face in abusive relationships. The film highlights both the emotional and psychological turmoil that survivors endure, and how love, shame, and hope can complicate the decision to leave. A UN Women study revealed that up to 70% of women have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Beyond physical abuse, Lily’s ultimate decision to leave Ryle is to protect herself and her newborn daughter. When Lily first discovers her pregnancy while seeking refuge at Atlas’s home after another violation by Ryle, she is forced to confront her future and her unborn child’s well-being.
Respecting her bodily autonomy, Atlas consults with her about whether she wants to continue the pregnancy or terminate it, assuring his support either way. This highlights the importance of family planning and providing necessary support during crucial moments when someone we care about faces an important decision.
In It Ends With Us, Lily’s reflections on her mother’s experiences with domestic violence examine the generational impacts of abuse. When discussing why her mother found it difficult to leave her abusive father, Lily learns that “the more she thought about it, the harder it became for her.”
The volatile nature of Ryle’s character and his anger raise significant concerns about consent within their sexual relationship. In one scene, Ryle nearly forces himself onto Lily despite her pleading for him to stop. “I haven’t shown you enough love, so I’ll show it now.”, remarked Ryle as he forced himself on her.
This depicts how underlying power dynamics and controlling behavior can compromise autonomy and the ability to freely consent.
This addresses the persistent belief that marriage automatically grants consent between spouses—a notion that denies women’s right to decide whether they want sexual contact. It also highlights masculine entitlement to women’s bodies.
Statistics show that 56% of married women report experiencing physical or sexual violence by a husband. Approximately 10-14% of women in the US are raped by their husbands, according to a study by Raquel Kennedy and Elizabeth Barnhill. In Africa, this type of sexual violence is inadequately addressed by law, with approximately 33% of women experiencing this form of violence. The highest rates are in East, Central, and South Africa. In India, marital rape rates remain high, with the government opposing criminalization, stating it would be “excessively harsh,” though courts are hearing petitions seeking amendments.
The world recently concluded Sexual Assault Awareness Month (April) and also observes the “16 Days of Activism” focused on ending violence against women and girls. Organizations like the SRHR Alliance are equipping media and various organizations with awareness-building strategies. Male engagement initiatives encourage men to influence their peers through positive masculinity, as men may be more receptive to messages from other men.
It is our hope that with these interventions, communities will become more equitable and safer for women and girls. Let the cycle of abuse—whether physical, emotional, or sexual—end with us, with this generation.
While governments have made efforts by enforcing some laws and establishing family courts, more needs to be done:
- Creation of rehabilitation centers for survivors of violence and assault
- Allocation of more resources to enforce laws against violence toward women and girls
- Addressing corruption that allows perpetrators to escape justice
- Investment in entrepreneurial support and empowerment for women to achieve financial independence, as economic dependence often traps women in toxic relationships
It Ends with Us may be a film, but it reflects realities beyond Hollywood. Let’s spread kindness and humanity, and together live in harmony. If you haven’t watched the film yet, I encourage you to do so and share your observations or anything you think I might have missed.
