You see most of times I say, or write about everyday life, not that I have been on this earth for so long, no, am only 22, and the little/ very much I know is what I have seen life from different lenses, in what I watch, listen to, from other’s experiences/ personal encounters. The one thing I have learnt the most and super glad to have embraced is that LIFE will always be LIFE; it is what it is (Irriz Warririz) like us millennials prefer to say.
The ‘Irriz Warririz’ attitude stems from accepting life for the way it is, fitting into the cards that it has played for us, instead of questioning why someone else we consider more successful, popular, talented etc. is and we are not. Acceptance is step one to healing, and an even huger one towards enjoying your life, instead of living in constant comparison of why yours isn’t as exciting as another’s. We simply cannot all be great and its okay.
Will give you a personal example; before I could get into digital publishing/ writing/ blogging world of the hustle, there is a gentle man by the name Mr. Bernard Ewalu Olupot (Beewol); a very prolific one when it comes to content creating; more so in writing. I was privileged to have a conversation with him over lunch at the ‘Social Media Conference’ last year, where I was seeing for the very first time in person, besides on social media, and his writings. It was here that we had a chat about ‘personal branding & image online, his radio life, blogging, and the digital marketing world at large. I got to know that he begun blogging as early as 2009, which was really inspiring considering I looked and still look up to him when it comes to this industry.
Must have been two to three months ago, when he put up a new blog post after a little personal sabbatical from occasional digital publishing, I do recall it was one about his experience at KFC titled ‘A Tale of Chicken’. Reading through I could see experience and sleek blogging expertise written all over the article, from the vocabulary used, minimalistic use of photos, and the overall narration. I was tempted to snap and feel bad about myself (being a blogger too) for not being as good as to his level; but then something rung in my mind reminding me that ‘comparison is poisonous & a thief of joy’, and it takes years of constant practice and putting in the work to become almost better than one already is in whichever field they are; instead of drowning in self-pity. Maybe someday I will be as good as him, or those writers of Billboard Magazine, Rolling Stone etc., or I may not even ever; life is what it is.
This is a living example of what a small sect of my fellow millennials may go through, could be that they wish to become as good as the people they emulate/ look up to or even admire, but however it is for the good of your mental health, and peace of mind that you quit with the comparisons, and simply live life the way it’s been presented to you by nature. Scenarios could go on up to back in the day or even now when we look around in our circles, and we are not as fashionable as them, or have game when it comes to hitting on the girls we crush on, or aren’t as bright in class as our peers, or why they happen to have everything in their life figured while we do struggle to even get by. Well, truth is, life is what it is, I’ll re-echo this. Life plays ‘unfair’ but there’s little or less we can do bout it.
You see, embracing this fact can bring about a feeling of emptiness and that’s the bitter truth, in life there will always be a difference between us as long as we live. Even our fingers too are not equal; even if identical twins, yes, they may physically be look alike(s) or even in character, but in terms of abilities there will always be one who has superior qualities and talents/ personality as compared to their other. The sooner we accept that not all of us are destined to be rich, gorgeous, funny or popular, belong in relationships/ marriages, entrepreneurs, have the perfect of bodies (abs, flat tummies/ etc.), the best of accents, or be as connected and privileged, not everyone we love will love us back, not everyone we support will always reciprocate the energy; once we wrap our minds around this, we begin to feel less pressure to conform, destruct the urge to admire/ covet other people’s lifestyles or where they are in life but our own. We then get comfortable in our skins & embrace who we truly are, as opposed to trying to be someone else as it is only really exhausting physically, mentally but can also have a negative impact on our social lives as feelings of envy, sadness, self-hate/ doubt & depression may arise.
These comparisons may not have been made by you even, could have been set by society/the internet/the world and how its expectations are set up, to always push us into trying to be like everyone else.
Events like wanting to be liked by everyone are also part of the self-destruction package. Truth be told the only time everyone is going to like or say nice things about you is at your funeral; else while you still living, there will be those who genuinely like, love and celebrate you. Those who under look/ dislike you for whatsoever reason; it could be earned, or could stem from their personal reasons. Some may not like you simply because you are unapologetically yourself, and flaunt that self-love riddim very well, and that live your life your way; or because other people do love you. By the way, as a consolation, some people do not even like/ love themselves, how do you expect them to like you? You see, who and why someone else likes you should be totally none of yours to mind. So, what will you choose? To focus on those who for whatever reason will choose to not like you all the damn time, or the group that live, laugh, and ride this journey of life with you?? I do say choose the latter.
No single day shall it happen that all humans will like you and it’s okay! Pardon me for using a Biblical example, but you see Jesus, who never wronged anyone and lived a holy, noble, perfect, and simple life was not liked by a certain sect; – The Jews, to a point of crucifying him. So, man that’s just what life is, man.
I do say ‘Raise your middle finger to the world and be whoever the hell you feel like being – except of course a jerk. Don’t be a terrible person. Nobody likes those; not even you would like to deal with one annoying/ entitled prick of a person. So, don’t be that. Be the person that you’re most comfortable being. Live your truth, be a good person, be kind, for the people. I came across a graphical post card on a friend’s WhatsApp status, with a quote that read: Do whatever the heck you want, just don’t hurt people.
Cut it with the running around aimlessly trying to pursue a more acceptable version of you, or forcing it down other people to like what you like; accept others the way they are, coexist with them, as you do you.
Embrace your strengths and flaws and wear them like badges of honor so that you are defined by your rules, not the rules society sets for you. Don’t try to be (like) someone else. It’s easier and less stressful to just be you. We are all humans, with their individual limits, some darkness inside of us & shortcomings; everybody has good qualities that should be celebrated. If you accept that, most of the darkness will disappear. Then, and only then, will you be able to appreciate the beauty of you and everyone around you.
This is the only thing that makes sense in a world full of imperfections. We’re all deserving of affection and acceptance. Understanding this and putting it into practice makes us better people not only in the eyes of others, but also in our own eyes. There you have it, go ahead and live your short but best life, fam. 💜