Here to tell you that, it’s totally okay to be single. You do not need a relationship to feel complete. Read on.
“Relationship goals” fast forward to the year 2019 has been an overly commonly used phrase and expression almost everywhere. For those who might not have an idea about what this means, it usually involves and is composed of a series of cute couple photos that we get to see all over or are displayed to. The couple may have been on a road trip, a gate away, a date, attending a social event and anything that lovers do.
Social media has actually fueled this drive the more, with statements and titles like Boothang, bae, boo, my man, my lady and phrases such as #WeMetOnTwitter which is usually a moment that shares people who met the love of their life on that platform, most probably by sliding in their DM, talking for hours and hours and later fell for each other and are now in a relationship.
We are happy for them and celebrate them. With these highlights of almost appearing like they’ve found love have proven to raise a somewhat sort of pressure among many single people and we have seen statements like “Goals!, or God when? and “Dear future husband, what’s taking you so long to find me” among others arisen. You see there’s a common saying that there’s always a little truth behind every joke you see or tell.
Much as it might look like cold humor when people post such statements, truth is the pressure to exit this life of being single is felt and hits so hard often disguised in jokes obviously. Remember when I told you about media being the main driver of this relationship goals pressure? Yes, here’s another illustration.
In every one week of a month at least, there will be someone posting wedding photos, or photographs from a friend’s introduction they attended and also wishing and longing their time to experience this life of being called so and so’s husband (boyfriend) or wife (girlfriend) comes. The pressure to belong to a relationship is so real in our generation. Worst case scenario is with mobile applications like “Like” and “tiktok” where some couples make cute videos together. Obviously these video usually go viral since we are a global generation that’s overly connected and all; this like I earlier mentioned aroused emotions of longing to feel loved and belong to a relationship.
The noises of society surrounding us, to start with, the pressure from family and friends, the internet itself and even our own selves sometimes is so alarming. Noises that drive our minds to thinking that in this world, you need to be in a love relationship with a person in order to be contented/happy. Don’t get this the wrong way. I am not saying it’s wrong to fall in love or date. But it’s also very normal, okay, and encouraged that someone enjoys their (SINGLE) time as singular as they are. Many of us today look at being single as abnormal, cowardly or boring. You and me are surrounded by so much love themed music, literature, books, movies (love by the book, the notebook among others.), advertisements, and other entertainment content (telenovelas/soaps) that always points to being in a love relationship with someone as the ultimate goal in this life of ours.
It’s worse with the evolution of the internet. If there’s that one thing it has done, it is expose information to us of all sorts. Upon opening up Instagram, chances are high most of the posts you’ll come across will or maybe about love and people in love, getting Boo-(ed) up and this directly/indirectly challenges you to find your fix; a lover I mean.
Here’s a little secret for you and I to share, no one posts the down side of their relationship my dear. For example, a lady might have had a clash with her man last night, but maybe he’s making it up to her today and taking her out to a fancy place for a meal, and later in the day or period of time she posts the latter part of the story to the story of them smiling, cuddling, and appearing to be so in love, and so hence pushing you to hating the single status of your life, else you are bored, not lucky as they are, and are thinking you are getting too old and not having a man to yourself. But honest truth is there’s always two sides to the story. Just that the other part remains untold and hence a mystery.
Just because one of your friends is in a relationship doesn’t mean you too should involve in one. Be happy for them. Rejoice and celebrate with them. But don’t let that influence you into thinking that you are not any better when you don’t have a man or woman to call your own in this your life.
Quit the external pressure. Don’t go in for someone/something you don’t even have an idea about just because your peers, friends, or even family are pushing you to it. They won’t be there with you when you are going through the cycles of the downsides that happen in relationships, taking in the beatings of a toxic relationship, nursing those silent treatments from your girlfriend or even baring the thoughts of why they are ghosting.
Take a wedding for an example, today we are around celebrating with you, cheering you and your new bride or groom upon making your relationship official, but we won’t be there in the next stage of your marriage life .
Whether it’s your family/ “girlfriends” or boys pushing you towards this guy and your heart tells you it’s not right. I advise you follow it. For your heart in somewhat strange way knows you completely and what’s good for you.
You realize how costly it is emotionally to keep fixing a hanging/ breaking relationship all time. Imagine you are already doing this and you are just in your 20s. Huh?! I don’t know if you’re seeing what I’m driving towards but regardless we move.
It is entirely okay to be yourself, not measuring yourself on the timelines of other people. Who says it’s a crime to be 22 and single?? In fact, being single is a gift that has been handed us freely by GOD; but many overlook it because of what I earlier talked about at the start of the article and some because of external pressures and baseless attractions such as beauty, height, money, style, background, fame among other not very important things that people find striking about those that fall for. Ladies I want to tell you that you don’t need a man in your life to make you complete, use this time to build yourself in terms of career, personality, emotions and in your growth in your spiritual life. For GOD is somewhere working behind the scenes preparing you someone special too; one with whom you’ll resonate and connect on first sight.
As for you my brothers, here’s word for us. The time to build you is NOW. If you dream of being a mogul, a business owner, the best sports personality, becoming physically fit, growing in faith as a believer, the most sought after speaker, the time is NOW; to work on all that is in you and is meant to elevate you to greater heights. A common joke is told that “IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A CHANGE or Difference IN THE WORLD, DO IT NOW, when you’re still single, because once you are married, you can’t even be allowed to change the TV channel in your home.
If you think being single is dreadful, think of a break up. Someone actually said the pain of burying a loved one is real and sad, but you realize that you cry, grieve, burry the person and try to cope with the loss. With break up its different, just because you’ve gone separate ways doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll never see one another again. You may bump into him at a shopping mall, a friend’s birthday or you might happen to even share a workplace or a classroom, and each time you see this person, there’s that sharp weird feeling of mixed hatred, resentment that crosses your mind when you see them, or even just hear their voice. This gets worse with the trend of social media where there’s the biggest possibility of either parties trying to prove their former mates by posting photos with captions that show that they are “better off without them, or are happier with their current new found independent life/lover” as an individual. Others may go ahead and post the dirty laundry that they kept of each other when they were in the relationship. So you end up wasting your youthful potential, time, energy and emotions on clapping back at your “EX”.
Life is going to be much easier once you appreciate that self-love is paramount. Before you can love yourself, you cannot “genuinely” love another person.
Remember the greatest commandment is Love your GOD with all your heart, mind and soul. Plus, love your neighbor as you love yourself. As long as you haven’t taken time to complement yourself, to see the best in you, spoil yourself with these many gifts, treats, and living emotionally dependent on you. to take care of yourself, there’s no way your gonna tell me you can love someone without first loving yourself. That’s why many relationships barely last these days. Even if they do try, its common to find that one of the parties involved feels not loved enough by their boyfriend/girlfriend. Yet love, happiness starts from within. Even if you’re dating the cutest guy around town, with the most money, but you don’t love yourself from within, you’ll never feel like he loves you enough my sister.
Being alone doesn’t me you are not loved or you lack company but rather that you are mature enough to realize that you need time off on your own to evaluate your life. However, many confuse this with being lonely; a state where one has no friend, family or anyone to be with. So being single doesn’t mean you are lonely, but rather you are alone.
So, the next time you think about RELATIONSHIP GOALS, allow me kindly remind you that YOU DO NOT NEED THEM. All you need is yourself as for now.
Remember, at the end of the day everything always falls in line, the way it should be. Shut out the outer noise and Live your life. I meant your Sweet Single Life.
You could take time off to refer to these verses, just for encouragement.
Mathew 22:36-39 (Love your GOD, love yourself as you love yourself)
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-9
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-15 (Being Happy as you enjoy yourself as much as you can) and lastly 1 Corinthians 7: 17-40.
A blessed day to you.
Mugibson is out. ✌🏿