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Checking all the Boxes

Why you needn’t rush your time and self.

You know how when before you go shopping in the mall (supermarket or market place), you always make a shopping list; having all the stuff you wish to purchase outlined on there. Once there, each item you are through with acquiring, you check it off the list by crossing it out or even marking it with a tick.

In a similar regard is our life cycle. By default, once we are born into this world, a checklist is already set for us; and have no control over it for the most part. Things like choosing your family, your parents, your name, your elementary school, your meals etc, we have nothing to dispute about them; because we are still little and with not much knowledge or the capability to decide for ourselves. It is like on this checklist are boxes, which on them is what life as a normal is supposedly set to be like.

You know how there is this statement that life has three major important events that is; birth, marriage and then death? With birth, you get placed in a family by nature and all that comes with it. However as one grows up as an individual, they begin to get exposure as they interact with different people from different walks of life, who eventually become a big cause of the decisions a person makes; this is what I will refer to as a “societal cause”. This cause is an important cause it keeps you upright in terms of moral guidance, most of the times supports you on your life journey. This only becomes a set back once someone feels the urge to always seek approval from society all the time; and conform to too much of its pressure.

Remember how I mentioned something about a checklist at a supermarket at the start, in this case scenario, your life becomes like the paper where all the items to be shopped are written; and society always pressing your buttons to always push you into fitting its standards. This reminds me of those days when we would hear statements like “We want a doctor in the family” and that was meant to be motivation for a child to grow up and fit into the box their relatives ,guardians or family had placed them into; apparently for social status, though some would be genuinely wanting this for you since back in the day being a person in the medical field indicated one to be of a high intellectual capacity and gained them society’s respect and were regarded of a high status.

In the same way, social pre-programming has made it clear that this life cycle is; go do elementary/day care/ nursery school, then do primary school, secondary and high school thereafter and close the education cycle with a university degree. Now that’s phase one down, society would then keep glaring at you with all eyes wide open to find a partner, make babies and start a family, having built a house, owned a car; obviously to also have gotten a job soon as you graduate from campus or while you are still at it even.

This is how it has always and maybe shall forever be unless some day as a people and generation; we change the narrative; and just let people be. You realize because of the rush to get through life and beat time to fulfill societal demands and expectations, some people crash, gradually lose their peace of mind because of pressure. Ask yourself why there are rampant cases of people divorcing with the loved ones they once claimed to be so affectionate about. Of course there are several other reasons as to why couples separate but to the bigger percentage, some claim to not be sure if they “married the right person”; and for my part do think, it is because they hurried to get into this whole thing minus studying their partner enough to see compatibility.

Let me drive this back to the high way. You know this common statement that talks about not allowing to be rushed by someone else’s timeline? That attaching everything to factor; that by 24 or late 27, one should have completed school, working, driving and most probably married and all that. Because we have been raised in such a predetermined setting, some people may start feeling inferior with their peers because say maybe they “have their life figured out” and they are not. Could be that one is still looking for a job, single, or not as “successful” as everyone else in their circle is. Now in relation to the shopping list I talked about at the start, some family members or relatives may also have such which in this case is your life and keep checking off whichever they see you have got covered. Say, education check, is he/she now employed, oh yes; check that off too. And now there’s a few boxes left to check. For the case that it could be being expected to have build a house, own a car and the rest of it.  I am not saying it is bad to have sorted this; but the entire point is; you should not beat yourself up or feel bad about yourself simply because you aren’t fitting into someone’s box of expectations, they are placing in you in or that you have not had your life together and set for you at the moment. As a generation, perhaps the biggest flex that some deal with; is the urge to go into a relationship because everyone else is or like earlier said, because of the timing pressure of fearing to old and you are still lonely or without an intimate someone in your life. You could check out this article on why it is okay to be single.

You were created unique and special; with your individual strength and a sound mind to be able to create your own timeline and live by it. Who sets the parameter by which we measure success by anyway? I do say, choose to be the misfit who refuses to fit in.

Stand tall with your face straight up, take your time, you could even switch path because at the end of the day what really matters is your existence and sense of fulfillment; and none of this. No need to rush anything. Do not live a life of following someone else’s script as to how you should drive your car called “Life”. Am not saying it is wrong to be ambitious; dream big or even listen to advice. It just does not have to be at the expense of your confidence, ego and self-perception.

It is alright to be a misfit, because misfits change and set the trends. It is perfectly fine not to check all the boxes of life; just choose what works for you, make your own life rules and live by those, and remember to be happy and content. That’s all that truly counts. There’s no NEED TO RUSH. Take your time.